New Thoughts, Concerns, and other normal daily activities

I've come to a time in my life that I have realized I have been cheated on the one thing that would make me whole...a child. I would love to be a mom. The only problem is, the one child I would want more than anyone is the one just barely out of reach. She is so perfect in so many ways. I've also come to learn that no one is perfect. I am never going to be a perfect step parent but I am ALWAYS there for her. Her smile and happiness determine my moods and actions. I love her. She can drive me mad sometimes with the "16-year-old" attitude but then I think of her life and it is not easy. She has been faced with more adult grief than most of us adults could comprehend. so that makes me think, why do we do that to our children? Why do we make money be the center of our lives when its not? So many people tell me they couldn't do anything with their kids this weekend because they were broke...well, for an hour I watched 2 teenage girls chase eachother in the snow with a shovel and snowballs and they were laughing so hard I'm pretty sure they almost pee'd their pants. thankfully I got it all on video and make a great clip to share on Facebook. It was the best!

So now, the important stuff, why do teenagers nowadays blame themselves for all that is wrong around them and in their lives that is uncontrollable? And why as adults do we apply these pressures to their lives and expect them to make decision we ourselves are too scared to make? I think if adults look further into how their children are behaving, maybe the adults would realize they are the selfish ones.

I'm asked many questions about beng a stepparent as its more common than people realize in this day and age of people having children out of wedlock and divorcing, mixed families are common. I think as a stepparent, its good to realize you will NEVER replace the real think but you can do all that is possible to be a great influence and encourage the child to make the choice best for THEM. But you also have no say in the upbringing. I know more about my stepdaughter...some I didn't need to know but she still shared. At least she can be honest and know I am objective and not going to judge her.

This is why her happiness determines my everyday activities. I love her. If she is happy, I am happy...and so on. She is perfect in all her teenageways.

First Snow of the Season

There is something magical about the start of a snow storm. When the lazy flakes start to fall and just sit on your nose melting slowly. They just swirl down to the ground. Even when it gets heavier and the flakes are too many too see, its still magical. The Christmas lights come on, the warm blankets and hot cocoa come out and family time has a whole new meaning.

I love the first snow.

The first snow reminds me of childhood, having fun, playing with friends, sledding with my dad, and just snow.

Often the thought has crossed my mind to move to warmer climates and I'm sure when it is negative 20 outside and I can't feel my toes after a 2 minute walk, I will consider the possibility again...but right now, its magical.

Stepmom

8 years ago, around this time of year, I met the man of my dreams. He was perfect in every way possible. Up to that point I had been through a divorce that left me frustrated and hurt. I did not have children with my former husband but I did experience years of infertility and 2 miscarriages. So when I met this man, I was a skeptic from the beginning. How could a man be so real and perfect for me? During our first date, Brett let me know he had a 6-year old daughter. I wasn't sure at that point what to think. Here was the perfect man with the one thing I wanted more than anything...was I jealous or scared? I couldn't decipher the difference.

6 months later, yes 6 MONTHS, Brett proposed to me on top of a mountain in New Hampshire. It was the perfect setting and I knew I wanted to be with him forever so of course, I said yes. During that time, his daughter and I had formed a bond that I didn't fully understand. She was amazing. I felt so much a part of her life so I knew that marrying her father would solidify my life.

We were married on a great afternoon in late August. Brett and I couldn't have been happier. Soon afterwards, his daughter asked me if she could call me Mom. I cried for hours that night. I don't think she knows that. I couldn't believe she wanted me to be that part of her life. I knew I would never take the place of her biological mom. I mean, she carried her for 9 months and raised her...I couldn't compete with that, nor did I want to . But I knew I wanted to be a "mom" whatever that meant. At the time, it was simple, she was a young girl who still liked to have her hair brushed and put in pigtails. She was amazed with my sense of style and how many shoes I had! LOL!

I started seeing a change in my stepdaughter in her early teens. She was more concerned about her appearance and less concerned with spending time with her father and I. She wanted more time with friends. I felt so hurt because I had this selfish emotion telling me that she would always want to be with me more than anyone else. Little did I know this was the beginning of the teenage hormone age. This was not what I expected. I was pretty sure at this point that some alien life form had abducted my sweet, angelic stepdaughter and left this alien before us that didn't come with directions or an "off" switch. She wanted to be with her friends and **gasp** boys more than her father and I! When things didn't go her way, we all felt the pain and hurt as it exploded from within her personality. I found myself doing all I could to keep up with the mood swings, nevermind the physical growth that is taking place. I never knew what to expect. I found myself promising to do anything for her, knowing it was just to keep her happy, but also knowing I was too exhausted to go through with the promise. It was a nightmare! I felt like the most horrible person in the world because I could not make her happy 24/7...then I learned something from her father. I learned that being a stepmom means being a parent, even if tough-love is the way to go. It is one of the most difficult lessons I ever learned.

I look now at my beautiful 16 year old stepdaughter and I couldn't be prouder. I feel like we have a bond that goes beyond natural love. She is amazing in so many ways. Neither of us are perfect...I mess up a lot and she does too but we both learn from eachother. I hope that when she is my age, she will look back onto this history and know that I did all I could to teach her what I thought was right and wrong. I wanted to be her friend but more than that...

I want to be a parent.